Have you ever been felt up by your doctor?  If you haven't, I highly recommend it.  Even if it's for legitimate reasons, somewhere in your head you will say "This is so COOL, this doctor is totally into me!"  

My Babcia has been on rat poison for about three years now.  Her leg was supremely swollen so we took her to the doctors and then straight to the hospital to kill the shit out of the blood clod that was threatening to navigate its way into critical organs.  It was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to her life.  More so than the death of her husband, the loss of her farm, what has affected her the most is the weekly blood test to make sure that her rat poison is doing what it's supposed to.  It's also affected her immediate family and generally consumed the lives of everyone who has ever loved her.  

So, when my left leg presented itself as somewhat more voluptuous than my right leg, I made the terrifying leap of visiting a German doctor for the first time.  He noted the swelling and then left the room and came back with a needle and two options.  One, you can go to the hospital, but you will wait forever; or Two, I can inject you with Heparin to make sure that if there is a clot, we can dissolve it then and there.  I went with the shot, which stung like a son of a bitch, and instructions to come back the next day for an ultrasound of my leg.
Next day, new Doctor.  He asks me expose my leg, so naturally I pull UP my pant leg only to be met with a "This won't work, perhaps you take your pants off?"  Like, right there.  The modesty towel never appeared. Thank CHRIST it was laundry day and I had nice underwear on.  Double points actually, because I was also in a good wife mood and had shaved the hairs that were still on my legs as a memento from Canada.  Anyway, there I was, face down on his little hospitalish bed, ass out, when he describes, with his fingers, how the veins start out large right under your butt cheek, and then get tiny tiny tiny as they run down to your ankle.  I don't even remember if he said I had a blood clot or not.  Moral of the story, cultural differences ROCK!  

And if you are genuinely curious as to whether I'm going to be alright or not, I don't know.  I did some blood work and am waiting for the results.  My left leg was one and a half centimetres larger than the right, which could be concerning.  That said, my left breast is bigger than my right, and I've never looked into that before.  Hmm, maybe I should?!
26/10/2011 02:45:23 am

Is there a red, warm spot on the swollen leg?? That's usually a key sign for a DVT as well.
Also.. what did the sand museum entail?? It sounds very odd.

26/10/2011 03:50:55 am

The most horrifying part of this story is the fact that you hadn't shaved your legs in over a month. No wonder men are scared of marriage. Did you get lightheaded as he caressed your leg? Was it as exciting as seeing Tommy at the home show? That's what I compare all your exciting moments to now.

26/10/2011 03:56:01 am

So let's see. You've had a crush on Dr. Chris for how many years now? Then there's Dr. OhSoHot or whatever you named him and now not one but TWO German doctors made enough of an impact on you that you write about it. Methinks maybe Aaron needs to get himself to the local Das Value Village for some scrubs and a stethoscope and .... you get the rest of the idea :) You can even play Grey's Anatomy in the background for mood music!

29/10/2011 01:05:43 pm

Testing,testing LOVE the begining. I know this entry was up awhile ago but been a little busy. Not with my Doctor (she's a woman) although cultural differences do sound like they do rock lol... And can I get an appointment !! :) This was a very woman friendly read LOVED IT. Also a tear. Your Babcia has been on "rat poison" (I wouldn't beable to list & name the many medications your term fits the best!) You know so much about Her. For lack of better terms not many people know their Grandparent(s) (Babcia) that much... Back to the girl stuff.. No towel... I had to giggle at the LAUNDRY DAY (most hated day love the smell after but goodness.) Good Underwear more then pionts it's a smile & blush. When you said your bit on Good wife and memento. LMFAO...Then in a wired way instantly thought of when you take your child for it's first hair cut and save it.. It's the Mom in me, I think?! but I laughted. I do hope that the test come back and things are alright. Sounds like it was a good night atleast ;). Well it's late my time. So I must be going. CHEERS Tara really liked this one. Take care.


Leave a Reply.